It’s hard to read tone. So let me explain. That title isn’t said like, “what kind of wife ARE you?” as in you’re terrible. Awful. Actually, it could read like, “what KIND of wife are you?” as in, what’s your wife style?
Chances are before you married, you had an idea of marriage. The wedding seemed like the hard part, but you quickly realized there was a whole lot more to this “being married” thing than you realized. Reality was different from what you imagined. Some days you still aren’t sure what you’re doing, or if you’re even doing it right. What kind of wife do you need to be? The Proverbs 31 woman? Maybe you go between a Mary and Martha kind of day. How do you know what wife you’re meant to be?
Be the kind of wife your husband needs.
My parents told us that a marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. As in, each spouse can’t give 50% and the marriage last. Both husband and wife have to both give their marriage 100%. What makes this complicated is the self-driven society we live in. We do not promote loving one another, let alone serving one another. But we as Christians have to keep in mind that our standard is not the world, or what current culture suggests. Our standard is the Bible, and what God says about marriage. And He said that the husband should love his wife, and the wife respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
How, then, do you know what your husband needs? I highly recommend reading The Five Love Languages. I learned so much about myself and my husband after reading this book. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but if not, I’ll do a quick summary: there are 5 love languages, or ways a person gives and receives love. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. Some people receive and give love in different languages. I, for example, am a “Words” person in receiving love but I give love in gifts (when financially able…). My husband is Physical Touch. So we definitely have to work together, and make an effort, to speak each other’s language. Because he’s certainly not a communicator and I am not a big hugger. But, trying to be a good wife and show my husband love, I have to really be intentional in speaking his love language. I might not care to hold hands, but to show him I do care sometimes that’s necessary. Disclaimer: I am not saying we have a perfect marriage… I’m saying this is one thing we’ve learned.
Figure out his love language, and do your best to accommodate that. It might not be easy. But you adjust and soon it’ll be second nature for you.
Make your home a place your husband wants to be.
Now get rid of the image of a petticoat dress and white starched apron because that’s certainly not what I mean. Most days my husband comes home to me in some yoga pants and a messy bun. With toys all over the floor. He even has to cook supper occasionally. So before you get your pitch forks out, understand I’m not telling you to look perfect, nor do I think your house should look perfect.
What I am saying is this: if you constantly nag and gripe at your husband, work might be a better alternative for him. Or the roof top (Proverbs 21:9 & 25:4). That’s Bible, y’all. I don’t like me when I’m contentious, I can only imagine what my husband thinks…
Give the man a few minutes to walk in the door and get settled in before the honey-do list starts. Or the list of complaints about the kids. Sometimes men just need a few minutes to shift gears. They are not, after all, great multi-taskers so their focus has to go from work to home.
Most important, and most overlooked.
PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
I want to make sure that got your attention, so I want to say it again: P R A Y for your husband. We are all guilty of not doing this enough. Sure, they have to pray themselves, but we need to cover them in prayers. Just as much as we do our children. Men go out into the world in a different way than a SAHM and probably different than most workin’ women. The battles a man faces are totally different than those of a woman and we should be ever so diligent and fervent in our prayers for our husbands. If ever a time we needed to pray it’s now. The marriage is under attack daily, the least we can do is arm ourselves with prayer.
Pray to keep your husband from temptation and lust. Women today don’t adorn modesty much, and certainly, have lost a good amount of self-respect. Men are visual in nature. Pray for your husband. God can help him.
Ask God to lead and guide your husband. To help him be the spiritual leader of the home he needs to be. We all want godly men but how often are we praying for our men to be godly?
Do a Bible study together. Or even just read and discuss your Bible together. Note what he gleans versus what you glean from the passage. How is it different? How does it speak to the season of life you’re in together?
So… what kind of wife are you?
Be the kind of wife a husband is proud of. Forget the standards set by our skewed society. Remember that the Bible is your standard for what marriage looks like. If you’re new to this whole Christian thing and stuff like “submit yourself” seems a little oppressive, find a pastor or other Christian counsel to help walk you through that. Pray and ask God to help you. Ask Him to show you where your marriage needs improvement, and what you can do to fix it.
You are the kind of wife who wants a good marriage, and knows it will take hard work and perseverance. The kind of wife that wants a great marriage and is willing to put in a little effort to get that. Knowing every day won’t be perfect, you strive to be a better wife, in turn making your man want to be a better husband.