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Marriage

    Submitting to Your Husband (Saved or Not)

    Many, many times the subject of wives submitting to their husbands comes up. Whether in church, social media, or by husbands who like the idea. But we have to keep in mind that “submitting to your husband” is not a bad thing. Also, to remember that this means whether our husbands are saved or not.

    Titus 2 is pretty specific about Christian living and gives pretty clear instructions on what should be taught.

    The older women are supposed to pass along their wisdom to the younger. This instruction is to be biblical and truthful. So what are some biblical and truthful things we need teaching?

    Love your husband. “Love” in this context is the Greek word phileo and places emphasis on affection. We, as Christian wives, are to love our husbands. It’s not based on the husband’s worthiness, or how spiritual he is.

    Wives are to love their husbands, submit to their husbands, respect their husbands. Yes, husbands have specific roles, as well. They are to love, cherish, protect, provide for their wives. But we aren’t getting into that here. This is for the wife struggling to figure out her role.

    When we submit to our husband, we submit to God’s will. A lot of controversy surrounds this rule in our society. Feminism has made it seem foolish and demeaning to submit to anyone, let alone a man. But, ladies, here’s what we have to remember: we aren’t here to serve what pleases man. Our focus is not what this world thinks right. Our lives are about Jesus Christ and our service to Him. Him alone. We submit to our husbands, our husbands submit to Christ. Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father God.

    So what if my husband doesn’t submit to Jesus?

    Talk to Jesus about your husband. Pray and ask God to convict him, to save him. To draw him into a relationship with his Creator. In the meantime, you have to show him Jesus. You have to be the one making intercession for him, and showing him what a life of Christ looks like.

    My Mom got saved before my Dad. She’d go to church and he’d make fun of her. She’d come home with tear stained cheeks and he’d mock her. So she prayed. She prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. Her prayers got so specific, she asked God to not let him sleep until he came to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And you know what? It didn’t take too many restless nights before he realized he needed God.

    Submitting to your husband saved or not

    Jesus knows our hearts, and God wants to give us our desires (Psalm 37:4) when we have our heart’s in the right place.

    A saved husband is something all Christian wives should want. So, if your hubby needs some Jesus, PRAY for that man. Be an example. Show him Jesus.

    Humility is a good way to show someone you aren’t like the rest of the world. You know men talk when they’re amongst each other in the workplace. So when the unsaved husband hears tales of men whose wives won’t cook, clean, take care of the children, etc., it’ll make him think of how much he appreciates his wife and what she does. Then, he will start to wonder why she’s different. And I can tell you the answer has nothing to do with Home Economics. It has everything to do with following Jesus.

    But, you ask, my husband is saved, he’s just not the spiritual leader I need him to be. What do I do? You pray. Yes, you pray for that man.

    Chances are, someone prayed for you. Your husband needs your prayers just like you needed someone else’s. The Christian home is designed for the man to lead, the woman to be his help. Tough is the role of the woman being the head and the help. Weariness sets in quickly. Just remember this is not according to God’s plan, and your effectual fervent prayers (James 5:16) can get your husband where he needs to be.

    I can tell you from personal experience a big part of a man’s problem is his pride.

    He cannot accept help as readily as a woman, and he is not as in tune with his emotions as a woman. So readily submitting to God does not come easy.

    And cry?

    Yeah, right.

    In my own marriage, I pray for God to break my husband’s pride. And let me tell you this: if that’s a prayer you pray, then be ready to walk through a hard place with him. For my husband, crushing pride came in the form of an ankle surgery that left him non-weight bearing for 5 months, two years in a row. This meant less income. And depending on others. And it. Was. Hard.

    So know, that sometimes, the lessons God uses to teach your husband, he might need you to walk in as well. And there will come a time when he breaks, so be prepared. It’s not pretty.

    And while my husband isn’t the strongest spiritually, I can definitely see growth. I can see him learning to lean and depend on God a little more.

    I can also see the enemy working harder.

    If your husband is saved and is where he needs to be spiritually, and leading your home well, then guess what? He needs prayer. Just because he’s where he needs to now does not mean he can’t fall, or the enemy isn’t after him.

    As his wife, you should help him, and the best way to do so is to pray. Ask God to protect him from the enemy’s attacks. For strength, guidance, wisdom.

    Ladies, if you haven’t guessed it yet, the bottom line is this: you have to love your husband. Submit to him (according to the Bible) and PRAY for him. You know him better than anyone, and he can do more with your prayers than you know.

    Following God’s plan doesn’t mean we have to be out front. If you’re married, it could mean you’re the woman behind the man. Praying for him. Asking protection for him. And, in the meantime, he’s physically protecting you. Providing for you. Cherishing you.

    Wives, our jobs aren’t always glorious. Sometimes his laundry might get done without the thought of a thank you. He might come home late, get easily angered, and not want to talk like you NEED to (because toddler conversations get old) but know you are serving God when you’re obedient to His word.

    At the end of the day, that’s what’s important.

     

     

    Submitting to your husband saved or not

     

    To go back to the beginning of Titus 2, check out this post on how it applies today.

    Submitting to Your Husband (Saved or Not)
    Submitting to Your Husband (Saved or Not)
    Submitting to Your Husband (Saved or Not)

     

    October 9, 2017

    What Kind of Wife Are You?

    Posted in Marriage by
    What Kind of Wife Are You?

    Woah.

    Say what?

    It’s hard to read tone. So let me explain. That title isn’t said like, “what kind of wife ARE you?” as in you’re terrible. Awful. Actually, it could read like, “what KIND of wife are you?” as in, what’s your wife style?

    Chances are before you married, you had an idea of marriage. The wedding seemed like the hard part, but you quickly realized there was a whole lot more to this “being married” thing than you realized. Reality was different from what you imagined. Some days you still aren’t sure what you’re doing, or if you’re even doing it right. What kind of wife do you need to be? The Proverbs 31 woman? Maybe you go between a Mary and Martha kind of day. How do you know what wife you’re meant to be?

    What Kind of Wife Are You?

    Be the kind of wife your husband needs.

    My parents told us that a marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. As in, each spouse can’t give 50% and the marriage last. Both husband and wife have to both give their marriage 100%. What makes this complicated is the self-driven society we live in. We do not promote loving one another, let alone serving one another. But we as Christians have to keep in mind that our standard is not the world, or what current culture suggests. Our standard is the Bible, and what God says about marriage. And He said that the husband should love his wife, and the wife respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

    How, then, do you know what your husband needs? I highly recommend reading The Five Love Languages. I learned so much about myself and my husband after reading this book. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but if not, I’ll do a quick summary: there are 5 love languages, or ways a person gives and receives love. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. Some people receive and give love in different languages. I, for example, am a “Words” person in receiving love but I give love in gifts (when financially able…). My husband is Physical Touch. So we definitely have to work together, and make an effort, to speak each other’s language. Because he’s certainly not a communicator and I am not a big hugger. But, trying to be a good wife and show my husband love, I have to really be intentional in speaking his love language. I might not care to hold hands, but to show him I do care sometimes that’s necessary. Disclaimer: I am not saying we have a perfect marriage… I’m saying this is one thing we’ve learned.

    Figure out his love language, and do your best to accommodate that. It might not be easy. But you adjust and soon it’ll be second nature for you.

    Make your home a place your husband wants to be.

    Now get rid of the image of a petticoat dress and white starched apron because that’s certainly not what I mean. Most days my husband comes home to me in some yoga pants and a messy bun. With toys all over the floor. He even has to cook supper occasionally. So before you get your pitch forks out, understand I’m not telling you to look perfect, nor do I think your house should look perfect.

    What I am saying is this: if you constantly nag and gripe at your husband, work might be a better alternative for him. Or the roof top (Proverbs 21:9 & 25:4). That’s Bible, y’all. I don’t like me when I’m contentious, I can only imagine what my husband thinks…

    Give the man a few minutes to walk in the door and get settled in before the honey-do list starts. Or the list of complaints about the kids. Sometimes men just need a few minutes to shift gears. They are not, after all, great multi-taskers so their focus has to go from work to home.

    Most important, and most overlooked.

    PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

    I want to make sure that got your attention, so I want to say it again: P R A Y for your husband. We are all guilty of not doing this enough. Sure, they have to pray themselves, but we need to cover them in prayers. Just as much as we do our children. Men go out into the world in a different way than a SAHM and probably different than most workin’ women. The battles a man faces are totally different than those of a woman and we should be ever so diligent and fervent in our prayers for our husbands. If ever a time we needed to pray it’s now. The marriage is under attack daily, the least we can do is arm ourselves with prayer.

    Pray to keep your husband from temptation and lust. Women today don’t adorn modesty much, and certainly, have lost a good amount of self-respect. Men are visual in nature. Pray for your husband. God can help him.

    Ask God to lead and guide your husband. To help him be the spiritual leader of the home he needs to be. We all want godly men but how often are we praying for our men to be godly?

    Do a Bible study together. Or even just read and discuss your Bible together. Note what he gleans versus what you glean from the passage. How is it different? How does it speak to the season of life you’re in together?

    So… what kind of wife are you?

    Be the kind of wife a husband is proud of. Forget the standards set by our skewed society. Remember that the Bible is your standard for what marriage looks like. If you’re new to this whole Christian thing and stuff like “submit yourself” seems a little oppressive, find a pastor or other Christian counsel to help walk you through that. Pray and ask God to help you. Ask Him to show you where your marriage needs improvement, and what you can do to fix it.

    You are the kind of wife who wants a good marriage, and knows it will take hard work and perseverance. The kind of wife that wants a great marriage and is willing to put in a little effort to get that. Knowing every day won’t be perfect, you strive to be a better wife, in turn making your man want to be a better husband.

    What Kind of Wife Are You?

    June 22, 2017